its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
