I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
