I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
