I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
