They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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