You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
