dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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