My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The air was thick with penises
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
