i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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