you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
