no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this just has baby written all over it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
