does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
