hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
