He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We are two peas in an std pod
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
