He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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