This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
