I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
