I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
