I must be too annoying 4 u.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
