we're blogging at a bar
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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