A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
