She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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