This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
