So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
