Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
