If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
