My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
