Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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