Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
