dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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