No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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