if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize