I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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