Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
