I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
