I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
