Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
