he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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