I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize