I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
