a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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