What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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