Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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