Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
