i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
