Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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