the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
