took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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