Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
