i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
