I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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