i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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