Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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