somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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