Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize