i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
