There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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