i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
two words...techno handjob
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Who died my cat blue again?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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