I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
