Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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