I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize