I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
