It was confusing and full of hummus
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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