I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
