Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
