White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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