O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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