My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize