the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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