You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
