she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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