My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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