If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize