You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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