I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
