Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is not my ceiling
Can Purell be used as lube?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
