I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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