At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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