Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
