I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
