If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
