No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize