We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
