We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
