i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
