I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
