I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
