Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
