I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
