I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize