you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
