Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize