She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize