a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
